1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

5. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.

6. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tastie, are not food.

7. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

8. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

9. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am sick.

10. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

11. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

12. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

13. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.

14. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

15. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for dad's driver's license and car registration.

16. I will not play "roll around in the dirt" after just getting a bath.

17. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.

18. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt makes people put me outside.

19. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

(Disclaimer: This list has been modified to remove some of the more questionable suggestions. –Lanay-)