You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

To Kiss a Frog or Not?.... I am of the firm belief that if one must kiss a frog, he should do so quickly and be done with it.

Never give yourself a haircut at 4:30 am, or during a PMS episode.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "you're right dear."

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!